Socialising Your Dog - Put Yourself In Their Pawsteps

Kimberley King
Apr 7, 2016
14 min read

Everyone preaches to socialise your dog when young, but what does that really mean? Do you just throw them into any and every situation you can think of? Do you bring treats every time you leave the house? Well let's put ourselves into their skin and see what socialisation can do for their confidence and well-being.

Personality Types

So firstly, I'd like to talk a little about your dog's personality (yes they have one). By personality, I mean their natural reaction types. Just like humans, dogs can be born adventurous, high-spirited, nervous, confident, shy, and many more. From there, it's all down to their experiences. That's why, if you are picking a puppy from the litter, it's important to choose one with the personality traits you like.

Most puppies tend to fall into three categories: confident, nervous or unsure. Using the tests in the video above, you can see if the puppy is confident (doesn't mind being put in any of the situations), nervous (doesn't like being put in any of the situations), or unsure (doesn't like it at first, but settles in once nothing bad happens).

Confident puppies are generally the dogs you want to go for - they accept new situations really easily and training is a lot smoother. That said, they can also be harder to train because they have the confidence to push your boundaries further each time they get attention for it.

Nervous puppies are harder to work with because they need a lot of work getting them comfortable with situations, and if given attention for being nervous they will continue down that path and either shut down (see our article Stop Bites Happening - What Is Your Dog Trying To Tell You) or become fear-reactive (where they learn if they bark, lunge and growl that the scary thing moves away from them). This isn't to say that you should avoid nervous puppies, but be aware you need to spend more time helping them to enjoy socialising.

Unsure puppies are a little of both. They appear nervous, but after a few moments of nothing bad happening, they become curious and interact with whatever was new. These puppies still need more work than confident puppies, but less than nervous puppies. Their initial nervousness is only caused by not knowing what's expected of them. Once they've interacted positively with something a few times, they know what to expect and their nervousness becomes extinct.

The Scenario

I am English. I was born and raised in Birmingham, UK, and I learned to speak English. I learned what was and wasn't acceptable when meeting new people and people I knew and all the mannerisms and cultural interactions that come with being English.

This is true for a lot of us. We're born in one area and learn to be like other people in that area.

This is true for your puppy: they're born and raised with other dogs and learn how to be like the other dogs.

Then they come to you.

Scenario - Meeting Other Dogs (English People)

Imagine I am brought up in Birmingham until I was 10 years old. Then I have to leave my family and area and move to a foreign country. The people who adopt me don't speak English. No one around the area speaks English. Although some mannerisms are similar, most cultural interactions are new to me and I don't know what they mean.

At first, I don't understand what's going on. I keep asking my new family why I'm there and what's going to happen. They reassure me in soothing tones and a few cuddles. They put a roof over my head and feed me. They seem kind and I settle in that this is my life now.

'I'm here. I'm like you. Come and see me, please.'

My new family keep pulling me away, but I pull against them. These people are like me! I've been so lonely. Eventually the English people are out of sight.

The next time I come across and English person, I force my way over to them.

Personality Type Confident:

I immediately start chatting away, asking them questions and trying to soak up the feel of familiarity. We begin to play together and I am so happy. My new family try calling me, but I know they'll take me away from my new friend so I ignore them. My friend has to leave so I go back to the only other familiar thing to me - my new family.

Personality Type Nervous:

I get within a few feet of them, overcome by the urge to be on familiar ground again. Then it hits me: I don't know this person either. I stop and pretend to be interested in a flower on the floor. I don't know how to approach them, and they might hurt me if I come on too strong. They approach me. I can see they want to start a game with me, but now I'm not sure if I want to interact with these strangers. I yell at them to stay away and run back to my new family. I feel safer with them. The other English people are a bit confused, but are having more fun with each other to bother with me. I stand with my new family keeping an eye on them. Every now and then one looks at me and takes a step toward me. I shout again, 'leave me alone.'

Personality Type Unsure:

I get within a few feet of them, overcome by the urge to be on familiar ground again. Then it hits me: I don't know this person either. I stop and pretend to be interested in a flower on the floor. I don't know how to approach them, and they might hurt me if I come on too strong. They approach me. I continue to play with my flower and wait for them to make the first move. One reaches out a hand for me to shake and I warily shake it. They seem okay. They begin peppering me with questions and all my fears and doubts melt away. It's just like being back in Brum! After playing a game or two, my new family call me over and I go to see them. 'Isn't this great?' I say. They begin walking away, but I was having fun with the other English people so I run back to them. Eventually they leave and I go back to my new family.

See how personality can alter the experience? This is what happens to your puppy. Now let's socialise the crap out of this scenario!

Socialise the Scenario

One day, while on a family walk, I see a group of English people, some are my age, but most are older - some teens and some adults. I can hear them speaking my language, I can see that they're interacting in all the ways that are familiar. I rush over to greet them, but my new family stop me. I pull to get to the English people, but my new family keep a firm hold. Eventually, I realise I won't be able to force my way over there and stand still, searching my options. My new family begin walking toward the English people!

I'm so excited, I try to run to them again. Again, my new family stop. I pull with all my might, but I don't get any closer. As soon as I stop pulling, my new family walk closer to the English people. I get it now! Although spilling over with excitement, I manage to hold onto myself and we walk over to the English people.

Personality Type Confident:

My new family interact with the English people, which only encourages me to have fun, too! While I'm playing and chatting away, my new family say the odd word here and there in that soothing tone of theirs. I even get a bit of a cuddle when we're playing close enough that they can touch me. During a break in the play, my new family come and give me lots of cuddles and even start playing with me, too! The other English people join in the game and I'm having the most fun I've had since I got here! During another lull in activity, my new family give me some cuddles, then we walk away together. What a great time!

Personality Type Nervous:

I'm within touching distance of these new people, but I don't know them. I start to hide behind my new family. I pull at their clothes and tell them I'm feeling scared. They ignore me and start interacting with the English people! They've left me on my own while they begin playing games and (trying) to chat. Well... nothing bad is happening at the moment. I take a step toward them. My new family come back and give me a cuddle. They disperse into the group again. They don't seem scared of these people at all and they don't even speak their language. One of the calmer kids approaches me and I become scared again. My new family head the kid off by starting a game with them. I cautiously make my way over and am soon saying hi to the calm kid. We have a short game, but then a teen comes to join in. This is a little overwhelming. My new family give me some cuddles and then we leave. I'm glad we got away, and I'm REALLY glad that I was able to have a little play. It helped put me at ease. Maybe next time I'll be a bit braver and play for a bit longer.

Personality Type Unsure:

I'm within touching distance of these new people, but I don't know them. I start to hide behind my new family. They leave me and interact with the English people. Nothing bad is happening so I cautiously follow their example. They're playing with this kid and I join in. After a few hesitations, I'm having so much fun. Every time there's a quiet moment, my new family come over and give me some cuddles and soothing tones. During one of those lulls, we leave.

What Changed?

In case you didn't get the analogy, I am your puppy. English people are other dogs and my new family are you (and your family). Your puppy has been with you long enough that you are a good thing in their eyes. Seeing other dogs, however, is just like being homesick and being able to have a glimpse of home. Interacting with dogs is more familiar to them than interacting with people (at this stage). If your puppy is confident, you don't want to encourage too much independence (where they choose to ignore your instructions) because the reward is more time with other dogs. So become part of the fun. Don't let them just play then call them when you're ready to leave. You = boring and still mostly unknown. Dogs = fun and understood/understanding. If you become part of the fun, even if it is in the breaks of activity, then your pup is going to associate you and dogs in the same group. Your pup will be more likely to come back to you as you are fun now!

If you have a nervous puppy, ignore any nervous responses unless there is a reason for it. If they come across a bully (See our article: Is Your Dog A Bully?) then being nervous is an acceptable response. If the other dog(s) are being polite and friendly then there's no need to be nervous of them. If you interact with the other dog(s), you're saying with your body language that you are not afraid of these dogs and your pup shouldn't be either. Encourage any step forward (whether it be a literal step toward another dog, having a sniff - even air sniffing, not hiding behind you or anything along these lines). Encouragement can be telling them good boy/girl or having a bit of fuss, or treats if you have them. Encouraging the behaviour you want, even in baby steps, will help them learn what's good and what's not. If you see your dog become nervous after a step forward, then get them out of there before they feel more negative than positive about the experience. Build your nervous puppy up slowly! I'd rather you take six months before they can approach a dog with confidence than to try and rush it and make them fearful or even more nervous and put your training back because you were impatient.

Unsure puppies will go along a similar line to nervous dogs, but will get there a lot quicker (within the same meeting). Again, encourage any positive steps forward and ignore any uncertainty.

Socialisation in this scenario is teaching them that other dogs are good things and approaching them calmly will result in better playtimes. You are still fun, even when other dogs are around, and it's a good thing to come across dogs.

Scenario - Meeting Strangers (Non-English People)

I'm out on a walk with my new family and every time we come up to someone walking in the street, they stop and talk to me in their language. I have no idea what they're saying. They touch my hair, give me a hug, stroke my hair and kiss my cheeks.

Personality Type Confident:

I love this attention! Every time I see a person now, I pull to see them. Every now and then someone just walks past, I call out to them, 'Hey, you forgot to say hi to me!' After they don't come back, I start to take the initiative. They can't come and say hi if they walk by, so I'll try and get to them first. I reach out to passersby and try to hug and kiss them, as they've been so affectionate to me in the past. Some people push me away, some shout at me, some just ignore me, but most will give in to me. I'm novel and cute, how can they resist giving me the attention?

Personality Type Nervous:

What the hell are these people thinking? This isn't what I'm used to at all! I'm British, we don't kiss and hug perfect strangers. The first time it happened, I was so shocked that I just went stiff. I tried to block out what was happening to me and tried to ignore everything. Then it happened again and again. After a few times, I tried to tell them I wasn't happy. They don't understand English and although their tone of voice is happy, I don't understand them either. Why can't they see I'm uncomfortable with this? It keeps happening so I begin to get more and more outgoing in my attempts to get them to leave me alone. I begin screaming at any person who invades my space. This works! As soon as I scream, they walk by. So anyone who walks toward me, I scream at. Best to get them to just walk by rather than think they can interact with me. Every now and then I get someone who thinks my screaming is 'cute', so I've had to punch and kick before they get the idea that I don't want to be touched. It's working.

Personality Type Unsure:

I don't know these people who are touching me. They're not acting in a way I am used to. At first, it was a bit of a shock to the system, but after a few times, I realised that it was actually nice being held and paid so much attention to. I begin to encourage their attention, but if someone approaches me in a way that others haven't, I still begin the interaction a little cautious, but as long as they don't make me uncomfortable, I soon relax and enjoy the attention.

Socialise The Scenario

Personality Type Confident:

Everytime I see someone, I get attention from my new family. If the non-English person interacts with me, I get attention straight away from my new family. If my new family can tell that the non-English person doesn't want to say hi, they give me attention as we go past. This is awesome! Now I get attention whenever someone goes past, whether it's from the person or my new family.

Personality Type Nervous:

Everytime I see someone, my new family tell them not to touch me. When this pressure is taken off, I'm able to have a good look at these people who are approaching. I get lots of cuddles and soothing voices if I stand there happily, and I get left alone if I hide behind my family. After a while, I begin to look forward to new people approaching, because I get fuss and treats if I'm not fearful. A few times, I've even felt confident enough to go and say hi as long as the non-English person doesn't pay me too much attention.

Personality Type Unsure:

Everytime a non-English person approaches, I get lots of soothing tones and cuddles. If the other person wants to give me a attention, they can, but I get more cuddles when I'm comfortable than when I'm not sure.

What Changed?

Your confident puppy needs to learn that people approaching aren't all going to fuss them. If they get rewarded for being able to walk past people, as well as to not jump up and get too excited when people fuss them, then they're going to be much happier. If they expect every passerby to fuss them then they can become unmanageable when they see someone as they will pull, bark, lunge and jump in an attempt to get that attention.

Your nervous puppy needs space! You don't want them to become fear-reactive where they begin barking at people to keep them away. So if someone bends to fuss your puppy, be your puppy's voice! Say no. You may feel rude, but your pup needs you to explain that they aren't comfortable. By all means, have a chat with the person and treat/fuss your pup while the person is there. After enough interactions where no one is trying to fuss your pup, they'll become more interested in them. They're getting rewarded for being near a stranger and slowly include interactions where the stranger lets them sniff them, then gently fuss your pup (on the chest). If your pup ever shows nervousness, move away from the stranger and go back a stage in your training until they're confident enough to move forward.

Your unsure puppy just needs a little encouragement that people approaching and giving them a fuss is a good thing so reward them everytime someone says hi, but give more fuss and attention if they walk past without interacting. Keep it all positive.

Socialisation in this scenario is teaching your pup that people may come and fuss them while you're out on a walk and that's okay. If they do fuss, it's a good thing because they get attention and treats from you. If they don't fuss, it's a good thing because they get attention and treats from you. New people are nothing to be scared of and nothing to get excited about.

So... Social?

These are just two examples of how your puppy's personality dictates how you socialise them. Throwing them into every situation you can think of may cause more harm than good if your puppy is nervous. You don't need to bring treats everywhere you go, but it is a good idea so that any new scenario that presents itself can be made into a positive.

Remember that when a dog feels an extreme of any emotion, they stop eating. So if your pup has the treat right in front of their mouth and they aren't eating it, they could be feeling too nervous or excited to care about treats. Get them away from the situation quick! You don't want them to get to any extreme and removing them from the situation is better than trying to manage it. Once they have calmed down, you can attempt it again, but space is key in the doggy world.

Take things slowly, even with a confident pup, as you could be rewarding bad behaviours by giving them too much to cope with at once. Always put yourself in their pawprints and think what have they experienced. Was it mainly good or mainly bad? What could you do differently next time? Is your puppy's personality changing? Are they becoming calmer, more confident or less anxious? Are you inadvertently encouraging behaviour you don't want by picking them up, talking to them or giving attention when they're doing it?

Adimus Dog Services LTD

If you have a puppy (or even adult dog that you can associate with any of the behaviours listed above) and you want our help to teach them other people and dogs are good things then contact us. We can use clicker training to help any dog (any age) to learn in a positive way that new situations are great things and to take it all in their stride.